The threat is not just from strangers

...CLOSER ACQUAINTANCES TEND TO EXPLOIT WOMEN MORE OFTEN

TSHERING EDEN
On 28 December, while the 25-yr-old gangrape victim of Delhi was breathing her last in a Singapore hospital, a 14-yr-old here in Sikkim was gangraped. The first day of the New Year brought news of a 25-yr-old woman who died while giving birth to her child unassisted near a kholcha in Pakyong. The newborn male child was also found dead, having succumbed to the cold.
As Delhi burned with its public taking to the streets in protest of the numerous crimes committed against its women everyday, demanded better policing, more effective laws and stricter punishment, Sikkim also sought to borrow some of this heat. Prodded by its own shameful share of tragic incidents, condemnations and demands have also started pouring in. Demands that echo what the public are shouting in the streets of Delhi. This is where one needs to hit the pause button and ruminate a while.
While the rape case is clearly recognisable as an act of violence, the case of the young mother and her newborn is one that baffles. That the case has confounded many is evident by the State Commission for Protection of Child Rights urging the police to nab the “culprits” as soon as possible. Who would these culprits be? and accused of what charges? The Commission’s reaction is also indicative of the inability of a system, a society and a people to first of all comprehend the two cases and then address such issues.
Although the lack of details of the case incapacitates the making of a fair analysis, fact is that both the mother and child were victims of violence; a violence for which the society and the state are to blame. It is time to turn the mirror upon ourselves. It is time to sort through the threads that make the social fabric of the state and mend its fraying edges.
Comparisons can mislead in various ways. Both, the similarities and dissimilarities that any comparison throws up, need to be noted. Delhi and Sikkim are two very different places, especially in terms of the socio-cultural make up that is of particular concern here. The demands voiced in Delhi cannot be echoed verbatim here. Agreed that in the national context, stringent laws and legislations free of any loopholes are imperative. However, one cannot but also agree that the laws already in place are underutilized in this small state of ours. The number of cases of domestic violence or sexual abuse of a minor that are reported in Sikkim cannot in anyway be taken to be representative of the actual numbers.
In the case of Delhi, women feel threatened in public spaces, in buses, in cinema halls, on deserted roads. The fear of the unknown dominates there, whether of unknown places or of unknown persons. In the case of Sikkim, the threat more often than not is of the known. Most cases of sexual assault on women and children are by those who are known to the victims. Last year, a neighbourhood pandit was arrested for sexually abusing a child while another child was molested in an ICDS centre! A woman is not safe in her own home, at risk of domestic violence or abuse by a ‘daju’ or an ‘uncle’. A group of women I spoke to, all had instances to recall where their father’s friend, a distant relative or a cousin had touched them in the wrong way and none of these were addressed. Some could not even complain while those who did were told off.
This threat of the known is what is extremely disturbing because ironically it also means that the possibility of catching and punishing the perpetrator becomes that much more difficult. A vicious circle, so to speak, of power is involved. The known by that very fact enjoys an upper hand. The mother always warns her child not to talk to ‘strangers’. In this day and age awareness on such issues cannot be said to be so poor amongst the Sikkimese. What then makes us turn a blind eye?
What is tolerable and what is not? Small advances that go unnoticed only embolden perverted minds to commit what is not tolerable at all.
The same circle of power is played out at the workplace. How many cases of sexual harassment at the workplace does one hear of? Many. But how many are actually reported? Almost none. Thus, while Delhi can demand better laws and better policing, we, here in Sikkim, need first to look within and recognise the violence being committed inside our own homes or in our own locality before demanding anything else.
Domestic violence is widespread and remains unaddressed. ‘Telay buri lai pura pitdai raicha’ or ‘buri pani pitnu layak ko cha’ are common refrains one hears and are passed off in casual conversation. That it is a punishable offence is a myth. Even agencies supposed to provide security and courage to battered women to walk out of a dangerous marriage coax and cajole the woman to put up with her violent and abusive husband. Legislation has failed to deter perpetrators or encourage victims to make use of it. Efforts at encouraging victims and the public in general to report such cases have to be doubled. Most of all, it must be acknowledged as a crime and not as a cultural or traditionally sanctioned practise.
Comparisons cannot define. A direct outcome of comparisons is to define something by what it is not, which is a very shallow approach. When it comes to the issue of women’s empowerment in Sikkim, an oft heard line is ‘as compared to women in other states women here are empowered’. It is ridiculous to think that women in Sikkim are defined on the basis of women in some other state of the country. Women and their status in the state have to have intrinsic characteristics from which to derive and build on.
I also asked this group of women if they think Sikkimese women are empowered? And the answer in chorus was a no. One would think financial independence would play a pertinent role in women’s empowerment. But all these women and the 25-year-old young mother who is no more were all working women. We perhaps need to then look at the cultural aspects where much remains to be done.
However, it cannot be denied that women’s empowerment cannot happen in a day. Sikkim is growing, transforming and so are its women. But change entails its own set of casualties. The march towards development also demands a society that can filter what it needs and what it does not. Let the casualties be redundant traditional practices that discriminate against women or the western sense of immorality that has crept in along with the illuminating light of education it brought. The longer we feign ignorance and turn away from what is ugly for the sake of abstractions like honour and social standing, the stronger will be the forces gnawing away underneath, the harder it will get to truly lay claim to being developed as a people and a state.